Please Leave Me Alone, I Need to Poop

You: once young and intelligent, beaming with passion and ambition, have been crushed, ground down, melted and pressure-injected into a cog-shaped mold in the industrial dehumanization machine we call first world finance capital.

Your pleasures are now few: - On most days, you are granted a quarter of an hour to consume any fast casual cuisine available within a two block radius of your office. This usually means a choice of either abstracted and essentialized "Mexican" or "Japanese" food or some manner of sandwich garnished with sprouts for seemingly no reason. - You may eject, from your otherwise neglected body, the solid ("Poopee") or liquid ("Peepee") byproducts of the foregoing, deal flow permitting. - You may shut your eyes and render yourself unconscious for anywhere from 3 to 5 hours each night, deal flow permitting.

Now picture, if you will, this horrifying scenario:

You have just consumed your ration of abstracted and essentialized food and are suddenly overcome with the urge to immediately expel Poopee. Just as you begin inching from your desk, the corded phone practically bolted to it begins to shriek. It's your boss and he needs something from you and you have to take great notes.

Now, what do you do?:

A. Declare your need to eject Poopee, hang up on your boss, and risk the safety and security granted to you by your job? B. Obediently listen and eject the Poopee directly into your pants? C.…